I am learning to recognize a pattern. In looking over TSM years, I have had highs and lows. During those lows, I forget my spiritual practice and work too hard trying to make TSM successful (and I don’t really know what I am doing like I did in the corporate world). It only backfires and I get exhausted, breakdown and sob for days. Only then do I surrender.

This started again last month when 3,200 Syds were delivered. Yup! 32 boxes and the carrier said he couldn’t bring them into my home. There I was, carrying one box at a time into the basement crawl space where if you stand up straight, you will knock yourself unconscious (in hindsight, maybe that would have been the better choice…LOL)

I put them all into storage and opened up each box. I even bought a boxcutter to make them as neat as possible but quickly discovered that a third of the Syds weren’t perfect and had to be redone. This is all part of business but at the time, my body was tired. It didn’t help that it was pouring and and my mind began to chatter, “What were you thinking? You can’t do this. You are one person. You need help but you can’t hire anyone due to a shoestring budget!”

I sulked and cried for what felt like days as I was inspecting thousands of Syds. In the middle of my tears, I would start laughing because they are so cute and they were like “Hey, it is all okay. We are nice and cozy down here.”

In my despair, I finally surrendered and went back to asking, “Ellen, what makes you happy? Then go do it, because sitting around not being able to figure your way out of this mess is not going to help you!”

So, I went to Kundalini and was exposed to Shakti Dance — which I loved — and will be taking the teacher training in January.

I just needed to get happy again.

In that joy came clarity and some really big-girl business decisions. Great stuff! Due to a tight budget and only so much time and energy, I had to figure out how to use it all to my best advantage.

The clarity started to flow in, mainly when I was dancing and happy. One magical thing that happened was my very creative nephew said, “Aunt Ellen, let me help. You don’t need to pay me anything.”

Just look at the new pictures on FB to see his talent. Need I say more? What a gift from the Universe. Lucky me to have such an awesome nephew!? Talk about time for major gratitude and how the Universe will show up and help me every time (once I am done crying LOL).

It didn’t stop there. I went to my altar with my new clarity and had a talk with my team. Yup, my non-physical team and said, “This is what I need.” The very next day, more magical things started to happen. Random connections with major potential.

I have been tested during this joyful period. I have had emails that I could have freaked out over but without thinking I said, “Mmm…I wonder what the Universe is trying to tell me?”, or “Wow, that was a big oops on my part. I just learned something. Let’s move on.”

What is amazing is that in this last month is that I did not know how I was going to continue with TSM and be happy at the same time and now ….OMG, major things are happening!

While I have come to expect these ups and downs on the path, I learned that the Universe has my back if I just keep doing my part.

So, that is where I am. I feel blessed and filled with gratitude that I had the courage to take the leap and quit corporate years ago and create a life that makes sense, feels good (most of the time), and is really fun to live. A life that includes Syd!

Syd, thank you for all the magic you bring and always holding your thumbs high, illuminating my path, my next step and saying it will all be okay. Can’t imagine life without you guys!

A happy and healthy holiday to all of you.

Live. Laugh. Happy Holidays!

When you are at your lowest, what keeps you going?

Please share. I could discuss these things all day.

#BigSyd #BigMagic
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